Legacy of Abuse

The effects of childhood abuse and poverty on a college student

—By Kylee Groves

“I just really wanted to be out of the situation my parents and family members were in.” As students at a top university, many of us have never been exposed to the traumatic childhoods or financial hardships that “Sally,” a junior at the University of Michigan, endured. Yet Sally is not alone in the feelings and experiences she had during her childhood and it is important that we recognize the people like her among us. Through countless hours of hard work, Sally has been able to move toward a bright future, but for her, and others like her, some of the effects never truly go away.

Cyclic results

Sally grew up in a small town with her two parents, who struggled to make enough money to pay the bills but used some of the scarce money to buy various types of drugs. These drugs consumed her parents’ focus, leaving Sally feeling alone and unwanted. In addition to struggling with poverty, Sally also suffered abuse at the hands of her parents physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Sally’s extended family, including her sister and cousins, lived a similar lifestyle to her parents, meaning she was surrounded by drugs, drinking, and abuse. “I remember being younger and my big goal was to graduate high school because my parents didn’t and that was what they would talk about with me.” Sally explained that her reason for the generational cycles that continued in her family and others like it was because of the different expectations she faced. Her parents expected her to graduate high school, a feat that they never accomplished, while other children’s parents expected them to become doctors. 

Her lack of resources also put her at an educational disadvantage. Sally’s parents couldn’t afford tutors or private lessons. Furthermore, in high school Sally had to work 25 hours a week to have enough money to support herself, leaving her little time to do the extracurriculars that colleges expect. 

Continuing consequences

Along with the educational disadvantages, Sally’s harsh upbringing affected her ability to interact with her peers and forge important emotional relationships. Sally believes that the lack of love and affection she was shown as a kid “has a lot to do with how I interact with people now.” Because Sally was shown emotion through violence and was not taught how to be affectionate, she finds it difficult to relate to others and feel emotionally connected to them. The Counselling Directory explains that “childhood trauma can lead to anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment patterns, affecting one’s ability to form secure and nurturing connections with others.” Though the university does offer support in groups such as first-generation student groups and Counseling and Psychological Services, Sally still struggles with her past because she was not given the tools she needed to become successful at creating and maintaining relationships.

Additionally, Sally, has very little time for cultivating effective relationships because she is required to work a full-time job to support herself. She pays for her food, clothes, and pricey Ann Arbor rent by working three jobs while taking 18 credits per semester. The rigorous schedule does not allow for many social activities or time to relax. Sally often feels exhausted from her tiring schedule, especially compared to students who do not have the same responsibilities because of their parents’ support. Other students share this sentiment such as “Margaret,” another student who comes from a less-fortunate background. She said, “I feel like I have to be a little more grown up and worry about [things] that other people don’t.” She continues working because she has no other option despite the fact that she has little free time.

Sally’s past is going to affect her future, as she has even chosen a career based on her desire to make others aware of the importance of positive child-rearing practices. “I think a lot of parents that I have interacted with are just really unaware of what their choices mean for their kid, as a kid and as an adult.” Sally knows that how she was raised impacted her in dramatic ways, which is why she has chosen to pursue a PhD in developmental psychology. Her goal would be to research parenting styles in hopes of educating parents on the best way to raise their child to be a successful adult who is emotionally intelligent. 

Unable to relate

Being without people can make anyone feel marginalized and alone, which is exactly how Sally feels because of her situation at home. “There’s just a lack of other individuals that can relate to me and my experiences.” The median family income of a U-M student is $154,000 according to The Michigan Daily; this disparity has caused hardship for Sally during her time here. Sally described a scenario where, at first, her peers assumed that she was from a similar background, but, upon learning about her past, treated her differently. Because her peers do not relate to her, she says that classmates often get quiet and do not know how to interact after she shares her experiences. To combat these feelings of marginalization, Sally feels that it is important for people to recognize that people come from different backgrounds and to be aware of how they treat everyone.

A different life

When children grow up in a situation similar to Sally’s it is not uncommon for them to fall into the same habits that they see in their parents, but Sally wanted a different life for herself, which led her to the University of Michigan. She motivated herself by watching the successful parents of her peers and replicating what their kids did, such as working diligently in her higher-level classes. Sally observed, “They’re on track to meet where their parents are at right now and their parents are doing well,” and she followed their example so that she, too, could be doing well someday.

It required a lot of self-motivation and hard work for Sally to get out of her situation because of her parents’ low expectations and lack of support. By putting in extra time and energy to make up for her disadvantages, Sally managed to play on the varsity soccer team, take several AP classes, and be among the top ten students in her graduating class. She arrived at UMich with a full ride, still hungry for success. Throughout her time at UMich, she has continued to work hard in order to provide a better life for herself. “It just comes down to what I wanted was more than what they did, so I knew I had to do more than they did to get what I wanted.”

Feature Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash