College Friendships Are a Blessing
Making the most of your college experience with SEL
—By Elizabeth Weiland
If you’re a freshman, you’ve probably heard phrases like “just leave your door open” and “open yourself up to new experiences and people” to connect with more peers. But how? Questioning what its like to live on your own, wondering even why they have to wear shower shoes, how to manage a bigger city and much more, freshman are all presented with many new experiences. The transition from high school can be complex in various ways, especially when thinking about how to develop genuine peer groups at a new school.
First year student, Andrew Hager, for example, states he had millions of fears coming into college. Coming from a school with a minimal graduating class, he knew no one here at the University of Michigan. Choosing new friends, “came with some significant challenges,” he says. “I was forced to distinguish what qualities and features I wanted in my closest friends, something I had never done before.” By overcoming his fears and investing appropriate time into these friendship’s and his interpersonal skills, Andrew benefited through school connectedness, academics, and overall self-esteem.
Being at such a big university, it is important to find ways to make campus smaller while also being a productive student through the academic challenges at the University of Michigan. Senior Allie reflects on her first-year experience, stating that “it would have been really easy for me to not try academically or socially and I would have been miserable. It was hard stepping out of my comfort zone and trying to make new friends.” Through University sponsored events, specifically from either the Center for Campus Involvement or individualized ones held within the residence halls, freshman have multiple avenues to meet and connect with new friends.
Reflected in our social networks, for students, high school varies abundantly from college because relationships become more intense, complex, intimate, etc., especially as they such a large factor of our overall identities. This becomes clear through the challenge presented to students to navigate being at a new school while they are participating in a socialized time where peer influence is the strongest affecting their “psychological well-being, sense of belonging, as well as their academic well-being” as said by Jessica Kilday, instructor and doctoral student in the Combined Education and Psychology Department at the University of Michigan. Relationships made throughout the start of college should be valued just as much as educational success, as students grow and develop neurologically and emotionally, especially since during the first-year students are still reliant on the pleasures of social bonding (Adolescent Development for Educators). These friendships can provide companionship, validation, and positive emotional support through the stressful experiences of a new college lifestyle. One way students can successfully accomplish this is by investing time into the process of Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) as they progress through the final stages of adolescence to improve overall self-efficacy.
What Is SEL?
Students can benefit in academic success throughout their first year by taking advantage of the Social-Emotional Learning psychosocial process when building friendships. This is presented as a system of skills, developed by CASEL in the Fetzer Institute, that can be applied to every aspect of our lives, helping students of all ages with solving problems, managing emotion, and communicating better. College students can benefit mostly in particular from the self-management and relationship skills competencies of the SEL model. Professor Jessica Kilday states that individuals that express these processes through SEL “acquire and apply knowledge for controlling their emotions, setting positive goals, showing empathy for others, forming and maintaining relationships, and making responsible decisions.”
As first-year students approach the beginning steps of their college transition, it is important that they recognize what skills, behaviors, and attitudes can affect their academic and social well-being the most. Not only are these students obtaining more autonomy, responsibility, and room for growth, but they also have to learn how to manage the college lifestyle of rigorous academics and relationship building. The University of Michigan, in particular, is known to be a very competitive and challenging climate, which makes the ability to balance and coordinate time to improve the skills found in this learning environment difficult to complete. This is reflected within our campus through my interview testimonies, showing that it is important to take control and progress with self-management and relationship skills through SEL during the transition from high school to college.
Self Management: As students are presented with the challenge of having to find new peer groups at the university, they also have to adapt to the changes in socialization. But, there are really no set rules for building lasting friendships. However, many psychological studies suggest that there are two major processes when making friends: selection and influence. For example, rather than believing the common saying “opposites attract” holds true, Hanjy Accou considers selection, the process of picking friends based on similar interests, to be the top-notch choice during his college years thus far. In his own experience, he says “making friendships in college takes more of a personal effort than it did in high school. In all honesty, one of the main reasons why I had friendships with certain people there was because I was forced to see them 5 times a week. Where in college, it essentially comes down to whether all the parties involved want to put in the effort to build a lasting friendship.” In contrast, Anj Melendez used a more influence-based process, where similar interests develop over time through the friendships, to help grow her social circles during her first year on campus. Through her fast-paced major, she has tried to make more friends within it to find more support with academics as they have similar goals as her. By meeting people within and outside of one’s regular comfort zone, students can participate in self-management of the Social-Emotional learning experience and showcase how social networks can benefit the high school to college transition in different situations.
Relationship Skills: Building good relationship skills, even near the end of adolescence, is also important. The university sponsors many events, like Relationship Remix and Change it Up, at the start of freshman year to support this. Andrew, who has recently attended, says that by learning necessary communication and verbalization skills, like “empathizing talking about our own experiences rather than other people’s experiences when meeting new people,” the challenge of coming from such a small school became easier as his social networks grew. These positive relationship skills can help students delve away from focusing on aiming for popularity and transitioning to likability. Professor Jessica Kilday comments on this saying “students should not focus on status, but rather put time and effort into relationships that will improve [their] personal growth.” This likability can be reflected on if we make others feel happy, valued and included through are every day actions and is especially important in new friendships. By spending time improving our interpersonal skills, students confront more positive perceptions which provide a sense of community, not only building our self-esteem but encouraging better improvement in our academics as well.
Taking Advantage of University Resources
By building, maintaining, and fostering positive friendships, these relationship and self-management skills within Social-Emotional learning have supplied students with a chance to not just stand out of the crowd through growth into adulthood, but also to create a sense of community. Students can do this on campus through university resources like the Comprehensive Studies Program, the Center for Campus Involvement, or the clubs available to join (we have over 1,400 of them to choose from) that provide an abundance of avenues to get connected to future friends. When looking at academic success as well as the college experience overall since her freshman year, Anj gives incoming advice stating that “there are no set rules on how to balance everything…[and being] at Michigan to get an education can be stressful but remember it’s college and that there is no other time in your life when you are going to have many of the experiences you will have here. Maintaining friendships is key so join clubs and teams for things you are interested in, talk to the people in your classes or on the street, and most importantly don’t be afraid of failure.”
Through CSP current students can take advantage of individually tailored course sections, mentorship through more available and personable advisors or qualified students (like the MMM program), and informational self-improvement events (like resume building to de-stressing) to help better manage our campus. This includes not just academic guidance, but overall counseling, and opportunities for a support. The most popular tool is the smaller course offerings that can create a better learning environment by having an enrollment of 60 rather than 600, better workshopping, and more chances to connect within and outside of the class. By creating a smaller environment within the big university, students have easier access connect with their peers, professors and build relationship and self-management skills without even realizing it.
Similarly, the Center for Campus Involvement is also a student-focused department that puts on multiple events throughout the academic year to provide meaningful connections connectedness between students. These can range from activities like movie nights, building crafts, to outdoor events, but most importantly time to talk and invest in making new friends during the transition to college. Freshman who attend can expect fun filled activities that create lifelong memories that encourage teamwork, relationship building, and accessibility to differing perspectives. Both programs as well as the numerous student-run extracurriculars provide a welcoming and inclusive community for students to discover new interests, explore different passions, and learn more about themselves and others. Our friendships ultimately reflect our motivation, engagement, mood, and aspirations, so don’t be afraid to put yourself out there through University programs and focus time to make more friends during your first year here at the University of Michigan.
You’re Not On Your Own
Being a student who has moved countless times, I am no stranger to school transitions affecting one’s lifestyle. Through the struggle to not only find myself but build meaningful relationships as well, I have learned sociality is very different among many ages and it affects how we present and identify ourselves. College is especially a time where students have a chance to be free, explore new interests, and embark on a four-year journey through the beginning of adulthood while still experiencing setbacks as adolescents. It is important to recognize that we need companionship along to way to help guide, support, and improve our self-efficacy. Even at a competitive, always busy college, like the University of Michigan, I have found time to improve upon self-management and relationships skills as a Social-Emotional learner because I know it will be reflected through my success. My peer groups continue to develop through university programs like the Comprehensive Studies Program, Center for Campus Involvement, living learning communities, clubs, and simply kindness to strangers. All of these situations have allowed me places to express myself while I tackle on the challenge of being on my own. Thankfully, I am lucky to have set aside the constant attention towards school and work and benefited from some great friends no matter where I am.
Feature Photo Credit: By Elizabeth Weiland